Life, and widowhood, is a journey of self-discovery, and one of the most interesting aspects is unraveling the layers of our own individuality. As you venture into the realm of solo living, it is a unique opportunity to create a life filled with purpose, as well as fun and freedom. Although you would rather have your partner still by your side, this transformative period presents itself as a canvas where you can design a life that aligns with your passions, values, and aspirations. Let’s explore how to cultivate a sense of joy, adventure, and freedom as you embark on the path of self-discovery on your own.
At a recent Independence Day picnic, I had a conversation with widow of 18 months. She misses her husband deeply and, yet she was able to see how she was able to explore life in new ways that included not having to share the TV remote and being able to read in bed at night as long as she wanted. She was exploring new foods that he never liked and is fully embracing her newest role in life—grandmother!
Embrace You
Discovering who you truly are requires self-reflection and introspection. It takes time and exploration. As you explore your interests, values, and goals don’t assume that they are still the same as when your partner was alive. They may have shifted as you get to choose what you want to pursue rather than just go along with what others wanted or expected from you. Unearth your passions and hobbies that spark a sense of joy within you. Those activities that you can just get lost in for hours with no regard to time. Over time in widowhood, you will even develop new friends who share these same interests and values. Grab a notebook and start jotting down your ideas and insights.
Embrace the Unknown
Stepping into the unknown is an integral part of discovering yourself, even if it doesn’t always feel comfortable. Embrace the uncertainty and be open to new experiences. Travel to unfamiliar places—locally or far away, try different cuisines, engage in activities that challenge you—physically and mentally, and connect with people from who you can learn and grow. By venturing beyond your comfort zone, you create opportunities for developing your wings that will help you soar to new levels of self-discovery and creativity. What one thing can you do today that help you step into the unknown?
Pursue Passions
Once you have identified more of your authentic self, dive into pursuing your passions wholeheartedly. One friend is taking up fly fishing and is heading to a weekend getaway class to learn the sport. She is busy doing research on what she will be learning and starting to buy her new wardrobe which may include waders, wading boots, sun shirt hoodies and polarized sunglasses. She is already discovery others who share the passion for fly fishing, and she hasn’t even gotten to the class yet. By allowing herself the freedom to explore a new hobby she will travel, be outdoors and meet new people. Pursuing new (or even old) passions bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment to our lives. Where will you embrace the joy of learning and expanding your horizons this day?
Embrace Adventure
Creating fun and freedom in your widowhood involves embracing adventure. Step outside of your comfort zone and be open to new experiences. Travel to new places, engage in adrenaline-pumping activities, or simply explore your local surroundings with fresh eyes. Adventure stimulates personal growth and provides a sense of liberation. Embrace the unknown in widowhood and be willing to take calculated risks, as they often lead to exciting and transformative outcomes. Cultivating a spirit of adventure will infuse your life with enthusiasm, curiosity, and a constant sense of discovery. This same fly-fishing friend signed up for a hiking trip in New Zealand where she met up with a tour group. Hiking and exploring wineries proved to be just what she needed at the time. Is there a local outing or trip you sign up for this week for a little adventure?
Cultivate Meaningful Connections
While on this new journey in widowhood you can discover your own identity, but you don't have to navigate life alone. Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and like-minded people who inspire and encourage you. Cultivate meaningful connections that enrich your life and create opportunities for shared experiences. Engaging in social activities, joining clubs or communities, and participating in events aligned with your interests can help forge connections and enhance your sense of belonging.
In a recent conversation, with two women new to widowhood, they shared about the Great Courses Study group. They meet monthly to tackle some heady topics like, America’s Founding Fathers and Foundations of Western Civilization, as they are committed to learning, growing, and continuing to discover new things about the world or themselves even in their 70s and 80s. Maybe you want to try something a little “lighter”? You might like: How to Play the Ukulele, How to Sing or How to Cook Mediterranean Food and Great Courses has it! Or you can check out your local library, community center, adult education programs to see what’s being offered. Try something totally unlike you and you may just discover it was just what you needed.
Embracing the process of finding your wings as a solo person can be a rewarding and transformative experience. You will never replace your spouse or partner, however, by awakening your authentic self, stepping into the unknown, pursuing passions, embracing adventure, and cultivating meaningful connections, you can create a vibrant and fulfilling life in widowhood that is uniquely your own. Remember, self-discovery is a continuous journey, and it is never too late to reinvent yourself. You are granted the permission to embrace the joy and liberation that comes with self-exploration and savor the freedom to shape your life in a way that brings you happiness and fulfillment. So, take some action to embark on the journey of widowhood with an open heart and an adventurous spirit, and watch as you uncover your true essence.
A version of this blog post originally appeared as "Finding Your Wings" on the Modern Widow Club blog.